Showering with Drinking Water or Figuring Out Clever Ways to Adapt in China

Last Tuesday, one of my days off from teaching, I had graciously offered to help my friend Mike out by being a procter for his algerbra test. We need a lot of procters for tests here for various reasons, but I don’t want to get into some of the issues at the moment.

So I woke up and was having a nice start to the day by doing laundry. Guess what happened? In the middle of the cycle, the water shut off! Much to my dismay, this left me with both soapy clothes and with a lack of a shower.

I don’t know about you, but personally I cannot stand to go without a shower for a day. I seriously need to shower every day or I feel gross. Yes, I am a bit of a neat freak and I am very aware of hygiene. I already was not happy that it was only a few weeks ago when my water heater was broken, so I had no hot water for days.

If I were in the States, I could probably skip the shower and be done with it.

But here in Dalian, I really feel gross without a shower for two reasons. First, EVERYONE SMOKES EVERYWHERE. Given that I eat out lunch and dinner, chances are very strong I will come home reeking of smoke. Second, the mighty winds of Dalian carry all the pollutants, so I get dirty. If I go to the middle of the city, I feel like I was in a sandstorm somedays. So to not shower and go to the test and then go out to lunch to the CLP afterward did not sound fun. But I give my word and do not want to bail out when another professor, especially a friend, is in need.

So I looked around the house and realized I had a few liters of drinking water.

And I used it to have a very short, odd, but better than nothing shower.

One thing that China does to a person is teaches you 1. how to adapt to change 2. how to let go of what you think you can control 3. how to relax and realize that very little in life is worth getting upset about.

Yes, in these ways China is good for the soul

The “Crazy Lady Place”

I have to write about the Crazy Lady place. It’s this little place to eat near my side of campus (west gate) that, apparently, one of the other professors from last year found. Word of mouth worked because this place is amazing to eat at.

Who knows if she just hadn’t seen a foreigner come there before (you wouldn’t know it’s an actual restaurant from the outside), but the first professor who ate there said the owner was acting all frenzied and crazy. Since we don’t know the name of local eateries here (it’s all written in Chinese – and we are lucky if we know the name of food!), it was forever dubbed the Crazy Lady Place. I need to take a picture of the place to show everyone. Most of us professors LOVE it. Toni and I, for example, went there last week and figured we would run into at least Mike or Jane eating lunch at the same time. We walked in and Mike was indeed there. Ha! This just goes to show how much of a loved place this is.

Well, the food there is AMAZING. We get a few dishes that are like none other. Phil is so going to try this food when he comes. If ANYONE of you come, you are going to be brought to the CLP. Trust me, you will never want to leave China when you taste this. I need to take photos of the food, too.

The Crazy Lady isn’t crazy. She’s very nice, just a little boisterous.

Also, tonight I was at the LNU entire campus (not just the MSU branch) foreign expert dinner, which had professors from my branch and from other places, too. I sat next to Joseph, who also teaches my same students. Apparently, he is from Singapore. Also, he will be there in January when Toni and I will be visiting! So Joseph is going to help us figure out where to stay and how to get around or answer other questions. There’s nothing like going to a place when someone who is FROM that country can be of assistance. Hooray!

Unfolding Cultures (Written 12/12/08)

I had a significant encounter last weekend that emulates the difference between the American individualistic culture and China’s collectivist culture. Last Saturday, I had students who were doing impromptu speeches. One student drew the question, “If I were in charge of the country, what would I do?” As Americans, I am sure most of us can list at least one, if not more thing we would change if any one of us suddenly was in charge.

This student’s speech was unexpected in many ways. She focused on her speech on how one person should not be the only one in charge, but that together people should work towards improving society. Without knowing she was doing this, the student was speaking from her worldview! It was almost amazing to see the collective worldview in action, unfolding before my eyes like a flower I have only read about, but am encountering for the first time. This is the “stuff” of my communication theory books, the classes I have taken, and the classes I have taught.

It’s almost amazing to see this concept in reality, knowing it exists! Oh, the joy of culture. The newness of discovering difference. I’m an American on foreign soil, experiencing something vastly different. There’s something deeply rich about experiencing these cultural differences AND knowing the theories behind them at the same time.

Run for the hills before they burn…..

As I was working on grading papers and speeches this afternoon, I have had music on, as usual, to help pass the time. All of a sudden as I was listening to a song by one of my favorite bands, I suddenly had an overwhelming moment of “I don’t want to leave China.”

I’ve spent so much time missing home that it dawned on me that my time is fading quickly, like sand falling through my fingers. My first semester is almost over. This coming summer seems like it is encroaching on my experience, taunting me that I will have to return.

But where did this come from? I mean, yes, I like it here, but I mostly felt like I was on vacation, with a lot of homesickness. Now I feel like I live here and that I belong here. I’m getting more used to carving out a life here and have found a way to survive. For example, I no longer only need to rely on pointing at food to order. I know some Chinese! I can tell a taxi driver how to get to a select few places. But I know that it’s deeper than carving out a normal routine. Because truly, it’s not enough to hang out with other teachers or order food in Chinese….. this feeling is lodged in the bottom of my heart, like an awareness of falling in love.

I’m faced with not wanting to leave. I want my life to be here and I want the rest of my family (husband cats) to join me. I want to have a homebase in the US, but I want to be here. I love it, mostly. (except health care and I will save my scary experience with a Chinese hospital for another post…). The cost of living blows my mind. The beauty of this country is inspiring and I’ve only seen like .0000000001% of it. I want to stay here. I want to take trips into the various parts of the country over the coming years as well as to surrounding countries. I want to keep forming relationships with students. And oh, yes, I love my students. Some have even let me into their lives as I’ve had coffee with them outside of class or have met their parents.

And beyond teaching college classes, I don’t know what I’m doing here in the eternal sense…. I do know that the Lord graciously continues to give me signs that I am supposed to be here during this school year. Yes, even today I got another sign! (This will have to be one Phil writes about since it’s been happening in the US…..so that’s Phil’s cue to post about God’s blessings)

Where are these thoughts from? I have not quite felt this before and I am at a loss about what to do about them. Yes, I knew God gave me and Phil both a sense that this time in China was the start of a lifelong relationship with this land. But what does this mean? Do I return to the States and stay? Or can we find a way to truly live here? I know when Phil’s done with his MA he would gladly join me. Teaching in China was actually his idea originally and has been something he has yearned to do years before I met him. I didn’t even think of China as a place to visit until after I met him! But my heart is here……… And I must say, I never truly have experienced loving a place so much. I am weeping just thinking about it.. How is it that China has become such a desire of my heart?

Lead Us Up the Mountain

Up High…

The Mountains Cry Out…

More Around China

Lessons

It has been a long time since I updated, but life has been quite busy.  I just wanted to take a moment to reflect upon some of the lessons I have been learning here.

Mercy.

My relationships with my students here in China has taught me more about the need for mercy than anything else.  I have had some amazing, smart, hard working students who have screwed up.  They don’t deserve a second chance if you simply play it by the book.  But I have seen that because these students truly do care about their education and because they truly are trying, extending mercy to them teaches them more than only holding them to the rules.

Because of one smart, good student who made a mistake, I decided to create an extra credit opportunity. It will be an outside of class performance, which will be a lot of work for me.  But it means that this student has the chance to earn more than a C.  It also gives other students chances to raise their grades, too.

The student broke down in my office crying when I told her I was  creating an extra credit performance so she could have a second chance.  She told me she has learned about what it means to grow up.  She had accepted her fate already, that she was supposed to have a 0 on the first speech and would have not be able to earn an A in the class.  But seeing how touched she was by her reaction to being given a 2nd chance showed me that mercy and grace, things undeserved, truly are needed in life.

Kindness.

I have seen people get bitter because of problems with others or the culture.  What’s interesting is that even when I have problems (and yes, sometimes things are SO hard for me), I have been trying my best to remain kind.  I have been given so much favor and welcome by some people here — everything from being taken out to dinner/lunch with a student and her family from being given rare tea to being  told “I love you, teacher” that it is hard to let the frustration stay.  The people are warm and I like to show them how grateful I am for their kindness.

Patience.

China teaches you to be patient like no other place that I’ve been to.   I believe there are numerous reasons for this.  The Communication scholar in me recognizes that different cultures view time differently.  Americans view time as number oriented. We think in hours, minutes, and days, etc.   In China and other collective cultures, people view time as event oriented.  They don’t necessary have a constant awareness of the exact time, even if they are conscious of time passing.  Instead of thinking in numbers, a collective culture things in events.  So the event might be morning.  Or it might be work.  Or it might be dinner.   Phil can explain more to you if you don’t understand because, interestingly enough, he is event oriented.

Well, given that I am a typical American, being in a culture such as this has challenged me to relax.  I was frustrated at first when I was told something would be fixed tomorrow and when it would really be two days later.  Now I understand that they are not thinking of the days passing by the events of what needs to happen.  So my leaking bathroom is an event on the list that will happen when the previous event is over.

Beyond time, China is so different from my American experience that I HAVE to be patient to survive.  It’s hard to stay patient when only hearing Chinese because it makes communication slow down.  Needing to rely on pointing is hard and time consuming.  But it’s that or nothing.  I also have to have patience with the seemingly strange things that occur that I wouldn’t expect in America:  the heat not working when it should, getting paid late, not being able to order everything I would want to from a store at once — the list goes on and on an on.  I wish I could bring you all with me to China so you too could experience this firsthand, since it’s so hard to describe all of these differences.

The point really is that I have become more patient here than ever before.  I have to. If I am not patient, I can’t survive.

I’m hoping I can make another post soon since I am so sad that my updating has taken a while!